Tag Archives: law of polarity

It’s what God gave us time… for.

Parenting Transformation Journey – Page 17
(Click here for page 1)

All day yesterday, my 11 year-old son hoped I would find time to take him fishing. I had already picked up some hooks and bait the day before with the money he gave me, and he couldn’t wait to use them.

But yesterday was too hectic – my business commitment I thought I’d finish by 10:00 am took me until 5:30 pm instead. And his older brother was already in line for me to take shopping after I was done.

It was around 2 or 3 when my little fisherman asked again if we could go, and I finally had to say, “I need you to be okay if this doesn’t work out. I would much rather be fishing than doing business, believe me. But this is a promise I need to keep, and if I’m worried about how you’re feeling, I’m going to be stressed, and it will be harder for me to think. Are you going to be okay if we don’t go today?”

He said, “I’ll be okay if we don’t go today.”

I turned to his little sisters and said, “What about you girls? I need to know if you’ll be okay, too, so that I am not worried about you. If I’m not worried, I’ll be able to work faster.”

They both replied, “We’ll be okay if we don’t go today.”

Of course they were disappointed, but supportive. Talking it through with them like this was my attempt to pre-teach and help them accept a “no answer” calmly. I was proud of them for it.

I realize this sounds dangerously similar to the times when I was full-time building my business and I would say something like that to put my kids off. But the difference back then was that coming back to them was usually a token effort just so I could check it off the list and get back to work.

I always professed to want family time, but if I’m going to be honest with myself, I recognize that my actions showed otherwise. I had a really hard time breaking the pattern. It took a total emotional collapse to reboot my system and set me on a path to a more congruent existence. I’m grateful it happened, though, because now I only work my business about an hour a day, sometimes even only a couple hours a week. I’m not addicted to the work anymore, nor the charge I’d get from feeling like I was changing the world.

I truly don’t mean to diminish my work, because I know it was important and necessary for me to do at the time. But I’m just grateful that the joys I’m finding now in full-time motherhood are even deeper and longer lasting. When I receive emails from readers that describe what my books or materials have done for them, I’m super happy and I feel tremendous fulfillment and gratification that all of those hours, and the blood, sweat and tears were not for nothing. Here’s one from just yesterday:

Hi Leslie 🙂  First of all, I can’t tell you how much your book has changed my life.  I know you hear this all the time, but I still have to say it.  I have been an executive business coach for many years and … I have read every self-help, motivation, inspiration, sales book, etc…on the market and have been a reader of this type of material since I was about 25 years old.  I am now almost 45. 🙂  I have even held seminars, workshops, training sessions, etc…about the power of the mind and “change.”  I have trained groups as small as 3 and as large as 4,000…and NEVER have I felt the way I do right now…since I read your book just 4 weeks ago!   I can’t thank you enough!  In fact, my husband & I had been writing our own book for the past 2 years, never that thrilled with the content, but desiring to finish it because we know we can help people with their health.  As soon as I read Portal [to Genius], I gave it to my hubby, he read it the next weekend, and we’ve have been writin’ fools ever since.  The writer’s block has ended and we can’t stop…the ideas just keep comin’!!!  I have referred your book to a total of eight people now and I would say half of them have reported back to me, concurring with my sentiment! 

But as much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting emails like that, (I really do!!) the thrill and joy only lasts a short time, and then life marches on.

On the other hand, when I participate in helping one of my own children have a major breakthrough (which, interestingly enough is rarely of the variety that my business is even about), my gratification is pure joy, and I literally relish in it for days. I’ll sometimes even fall asleep rehearsing the victory and how it played out for several nights in a row. Even months and years later, I know that those are the breakthroughs that I will remember the most, and in which I will take the most pride.

And it’s not because of any praise I get for helping, it just from watching the children experience a change. Most of the time, they don’t even realize they grew.

Like when my son didn’t show up for work on time because there was a miscommunication about his schedule. When he got the text that asked, “Aren’t you coming in?” he just about had a heart attack. It was his first job, he had only been there a week, and his brain kept firing shots of terror through his body, with all the what ifs about what his consequences might be. As we raced to get him there (7 hours late), I tried to assure him that somewhere in this awful experience there is a seed of something good. He shot back, “How can this POSSIBLY be good??” 

I had no answer. Only that it’s a true principle, and that somewhere there was a blessing in it. I didn’t know, maybe just that it was good he learned this lesson (whatever lesson it was) on a first job instead of a career job later when he’s trying to support a family.

He was convinced that everyone there was going to hate him, because he wasn’t  there to do his part when they opened, and then for 7 hours, his team mates had to cover for him in a really stressful environment.

I practiced being calm for the both of us. Prayed for him that the good would be found. I knew that there was something good in it, because that’s one of the laws. I just hoped he would find it.

Then at the end of the day when I picked him up he was flying high. He told me excitedly about how everyone was really understanding, how the misunderstanding about the schedule meant that it was never posted publicly, so for those 7 hours nobody but his supervisor knew that it was him who was missing, and then because he was so late, he was there for some unexpected emergencies, and it was better for everyone that he worked the night shift instead of the early one. He came off heroic instead of delinquent.

Best of all, he got some BIG praise from his supervisor for showing up 7 hours late instead of not at all. He had faced his terror instead of just writing the day off, he overcame the fear of the unknown, grew in self-esteem, gained experience in communicating with people who he thought hated him, and saw real evidence that the law of polarity is actually true.  The experience changed him. I saw him grow two years in just one day, and I felt joy.

So back to the original story…

I finished my work without guilt, because I knew that today was wide open, and I would not even be tempted to work. I knew I’d be able to spend some real time with my kids; and besides, I was ready for some recreation myself.

So I took my 18 year-old to work at 7:30 am, and ran home again to get his name tag. (On a scale of 1-10 where 10 is totally calm, I’m happy to say that I managed to stay up around an 8, even though returning for his forgotten name tag was not exactly what I wanted to be doing.)

Before I reached home the second time, I called the fishing preserve to ask about their hours. Since they had been open since dawn already, I was excited to surprise my youngest three with the news that we should go ASAP.

My 11 year-old son was super excited. We have a lake in our backyard, and he’s already caught countless fish there, but mostly only catfish, and only for catch and release. The lake we were going to is behind the library where you can catch about 5 different kinds of fish (including trout, which is what he really wanted), and, you can take them home to eat them.

So off we went.

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While I was following them through the brush to find the best spot, I thought about how hot and uncomfortable I was (weather report says it was effectively 97 degrees), but how much in a rush I wasn’t. This is where they wanted to be, and I was mentally prepared to go along with it for a couple hours. I didn’t have something else on my mind that I “needed to get back to”, and I marveled that I had come so far. Two years ago I couldn’t get work off of my mind.

One of my previous parenting mentors (Matt Reichmann), had always taught that if you want to have more power as a parent, you’ve got to play with your kids. When I was so caught up in work, I always had trouble making time for play. It’s getting easier, though, and I’ve noticed that the more I play with them, the less I have to correct them. Bottom line, they simply behave better when their emotional buckets are full, and their buckets stay full the more often I play with them.

I was also reminded of a video clip that put a smile on my face. It is so simple but profound:

I love when the blogger said that “children aren’t something you collect because they’re cuter than stamps, [mothering is] not something you do if you can squeeze the time in, it’s what God gave you time… for.”

I know you may be thinking, “Yeah, that would be nice, if I didn’t have so many stresses that keep me from living that way…” because that’s what I thought for twenty years.

Well, I finally figured something out. When I was really ready to make that shift, when I was finally committed to living it no matter what, I had to let go. I had to let go of what people might think of me. I had to let go of the need for my lifestyle to look a certain way. I had to be ready to make the necessary sacrifices to claim it. I had to check my own priorities.

We downsized our home. We sold some extra cars. We rearranged a lot of things to make this work. I don’t get my nails done any more. I make my kids work for things. If we have to choose between getting a new coat of paint on the car or investing in our children’s education, we choose their education.

Through my work I learned with absolute certainty that we really can have anything we want. We could have a new car if we wanted one badly enough. We could replace some old furniture if we were passionate enough about doing that. I understand the principles of success and the law of vibration, and how our results are a reflection of our application of those principles. But I also recognize that for every desire, there is some effort that is required. So I had to ask myself, what am I working toward? For what purpose do I invest my best time, money, and attention?

What I really wanted more than anything was a peaceful home and rich relationships with my husband and children. And now I’m finally directing my best efforts to my own family. It takes a LOT of time, and it takes effort. But so far, nothing else has been this rewarding.

So you can imagine my surprise when, after ‘letting go’ for about a year and a half, that the business began to grow on its own. Other resources also began finding their way to us more freely. I began to recognize a real correlation between the calmness I felt, and the increase in the flow of money and opportunities into our lives.

There were still stressful situations, but choosing calmness and trusting God always seemed to cause the problem to melt away entirely, or turn it into something unexpectedly good. In either case, we were okay.

Stay calm, be still (in your heart), and think of God as a loving Father who will take care of you. Trust Him with your life.

No, it’s not easy to raise a family, and it’s not easy keeping Mom home from work if that’s what the goal is. But it’s possible if you want it. Opportunities will come to those who work tenaciously toward their worthy ideal, whatever it is. I promise you that. The answers may not come when you want them to, but God is never late.

(If you’re struggling with money issues, then you can get some new hope by reading The Jackrabbit Factor, and then coming back to browse the top 47 posts on the right side of this page – they’re mostly about dealing with financial stress.)

So anyway, there’s my thought for the day: raising a family is not something you do if you have time for it, it’s what God gave us time for.

If you disagree with anything I’m doing, then before leaving your comments, all I ask is that you please first watch this BBC episode so you can see where this is going. It might be a little messy in the middle, but I do believe and trust in the end result. Each of my posts – standing alone – will not provide the big picture… but the episode does. Enjoy!

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The 7 Laws of Success

You cannot break a law; You can only break yourself against it.

Here is a summary of the chapter topics discussed in the book, Hidden Treasures: Heaven’s Astonishing Help with your Money Matters
Besides being a fantastic resource, this book is full of inspiring and motivating short stories so you can see how these laws work in the real world. It helps you overcome adversity when you face a challenge, by looking down this list to see which one help you keep your thoughts positive at the time.

By keeping your thoughts positive (no matter what), you make it possible for the best outcome to be realized.

Law of Perpetual Transmutation—Circumstances and things are perpetually coming or going according to your thoughts.

Law of Relativity—Your situation is not fundamentally good or bad until you
compare it to something else.

Law of Vibration—Your thoughts control your personal vibration. Change your thoughts, get emotional about them, and you’ll change what is attracted to you.

Law of Polarity—Everything has an opposite. A bad situation is equally good.
Look for the good, and more good will be on its way.

Law of Rhythm—When you feel down be assured that an upswing is coming. Plan on endless progression upward.

Law of Cause and Effect—Action and reaction are equal, in opposite directions. Focus on what you can give, not what you will get.

Law of Gender/Gestation—Plant your own idea seeds, and then be patient. Don’t uproot your idea seed with doubt.

Vacuum Law of Prosperity—Nature abhors a vacuum. Make room for the thing you desire by giving away that which you do not like or use. Give it away, and let the Universe compensate you. God pays better than yard sale shoppers.

Request your gift copy of the entire downloadable book here!

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For Working Moms

positive Thinking tip: too busy for your kids? there’s something even better (and easier) than a sincere, heartfelt apology.

Are you a Mom who helps with the family finances?

Do you feel guilty for not being 100% attentive to your children?

That’s how I felt for many, many years.

I didn’t realize that I was doing damage in a way I had never considered, simply by the way I thought about my situation.

All the time that I felt frustrated and angry about having to work, I wanted my children to grow up believing that our situation was NOT the standard.  I wanted them to believe that mothers should be 100% attentive to their children.  I wanted them to grow up expecting things to be more “ideal” in their future families.

I’d say things like, “I’m so sorry I have to work so much!  I really should be spending time with you, and I promise, we’re doing all we can to fix the problem!”

Or, “I wish I didn’t have to work!  I hate the way things are, but we’ve just got to keep hoping that things will get better.  We have to be patient; can you hang on just a little longer until things can be better?  I really believe this won’t last forever…”

My intentions were good, but what I was really communicating was doing more damage than I realized.

1) I was teaching my kids that my husband and I were doing something wrong, when in reality, we were doing precisely what was necessary.

2) I was teaching my kids that it was acceptable to complain about doing what was necessary. I realized my error when I noticed them complaining about their necessary work, and expecting things to be easier for them, too. For example, they complained about having to walk to school because I was too busy to drive them a measly 1/2 mile in beautiful Arizona weather.  They complained about having to cook, clean and do dishes because I was too busy to do my “regular motherly duties”.

3) It became easy for my kids to conclude that Mom and Dad just don’t keep their promises when the need for me to work stretched from months into years.  I believe our children had a harder time believing the things we said because of it.

4) The “guilty Mom” syndrome caused me to overcompensate in other areas. If they begged for more privileges (even privileges that contradicted family policy or went against plain good sense), I was more likely to give in, just because I felt guilty about working too much. (My friend Matt Reichmann who works for LAPD and sees plenty of domestic dysfunction says there’s nothing more dangerous than a guilty parent.)

One of the best shifts I’ve ever made in my life was the day I decided to stop apologizing for working.

Yes, I still thought it would have been more ideal for our family if I had been able to give more time to my children, but under the circumstances, the next best thing I could do for them was to change the way I felt about it:

I decided to accept my situation and make the most of it.  Instead of saying, “I’m so sorry for working so much; I wish I didn’t have to…”  I started saying things like, “Hey, this is what needs to be done, and you know, it feels really good to work!” Or, “Hey, let’s both get some work done, and at 4:30, let’s go to the park!  What would YOU like to accomplish?”

The energy in our home shifted in an incredible way.  We also decided to make our children more involved in our work, and help them see the impact that it had in the lives of others.

We showed them how doing their chores and helping the family run more smoothly (picking up the slack where Mom couldn’t do it all), was actually helping people all over the world have better lives.  We helped them see the bigger picture, and they started doing family chores more cheerfully.  They even started doing what needed to be done without being asked.

My children are incredibly independent.  They became that way because they had to be.  But I have no regrets – they are learning how to work, and how to feel good about a job well done.

This family is certainly not perfect, and my kids still complain just like anyone else’s kids, but every one of my children has had at least one wonderful moment when they made that shift, and expressed great satisfaction from being independently productive.  It only takes a few of those successes for a child to have a memorable comparison between how they feel when they’re cheerfully productive and how they feel when they are not.

I’d say it’s the Law of Polarity in action: what I thought was so horrible (me working) has turned into a tremendous blessing in our family – but only because I first decided to stop apologizing.

No matter what your work is, it’s helping someone.  Talk to your children about what you do, and the difference it makes in the lives of others.  Teach them by your example to learn how to enjoy being productive.  This is one of the greatest gifts you can give them before they leave the home: a love of work, and an acceptance of what “is”.

(Accepting what “is”, is the first step toward major transformation.  Test it!)

Do you see how children learn from our examples, whether we work or we don’t?  Teach them to find joy in making a contribution when necessary.  Teach them by your example to accept the things they cannot change, and find happiness, no matter what.

If you don’t have to work, I hope you’ll still find work to do – a hobby, a project, community service, whatever – so that your children can learn these lessons.  It’s worth it!

See, no matter how well you parent them, they will face challenges in their adult life.  How well they turn out will have less to do with whether you worked or you didn’t, but more with how they saw you to respond to your challenges.

For more on this topic, read Portal to Genius.

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